Alone

hmmm i dun know why i keep feeling this way. find tht i am damn pathetic and damn stupid at the same time. i always tell myself tht i am not a normal human tht why i cannot be happy like wat normal human felt. but to say tht i dun wan to be happy is it just a lie, i also wan to feel happy, i also wan to find someone tht can make me feel happy and also cover the empty space in my heart. i wan to be a normal human or rather a normal person, doing the things i do, become workaholic is jsut a way for me to prevent myself for feeling alone and lonely. why ppl can't understand tht.............. or maybe i am fated to be alone and feel lonely and just do what i did best. just see what happiness is from other ppl sometime make me mad and angry at myself.

Faith and Frenship.

Hmmm i dun know if i post this before or not, but meh. just post it again, since it keep bugging me.

I think we are always alone and fragile in some area of our life, tht why we always seek out friends and company to not be alone and have fun. Sometime we even seek to the power of divine or deity to protect us as we are really fragile. yes this is kinda like pillar of support or safety net, for us to fall when we make mistake or sometime it is also for us to blame upon if we got no one to blame. sometime relying on someone is always better because we will not feel that our life is pathetic alone etc. but upon relying too much we will always get greedy as we want the feeling to always be there or the person to always be there. but what right do we have to tell ppl how to live their live as it belong to theirs and they need to make a decision on how to live it, we can only advice thm and be there for them. hahahah really sound pathetic but i guess sometime being alone, really make one appreciate others and also make one turn into a person tht they should not be.

Sometime i really wonder how people could easily say tht your frenship is jsut a waste of time etc. does frenship take into consideration of time spend and waste or rather the bond between two ppl. hais seriously i am really getting tired of this. one thing me wan to say will be just dun make me become like last time where i am stone cold and i am really bad person. i kept that personality at bay purely using my will as i dun wan to be tht person, but if it cannot be help thn i guess it time for tht person to come out.

True Love or arrange marriage plus some update

hmmm really dun know how to start but just start i guess hahahahah.

my dad must be barking mad or he maybe on pot i guess. seriously telling me tht he wan to arrange my marriage with one of his niece (my grandfather's brother/sister's son/daughter's granddaughter). told me to get to know her first thn if can do an engagement ceremony. he must be mad really really mad, crazy for me to have arrange marriage is not heard off ( i guess have bah but i denying it >.<). hais but luckly my granddad and mum oppose to his decision, mum and granddad say tht i must study and become successful etc. hahahahha if they know tht i got rejected twice uh, maybe they will be shock bah uh hahahah for me tht always say tht i will find a wife whn i have a stable income and job. hais sometime i just dun know or understand myself i guess, cos maybe to see wat others have and wan it myself or rather i just wan tht person cos i really like? sometime i guess the principle tht i build for myself is not always right bah as my feeling can over-rule thm hahaha.

hahhaha sometime i just wish she is next to me and i could bring her happiness, seeing or sometime hearing her sad make my heart pain. hmmm maybe i just not her knight in shiny armor i guess. my fren always say tht dun give up cos of one girl as there is other girl out there, but uh it is tht girl tht could make me happy n feel enlightenment tht why i would wan her to be mine. not any random girl tht could make me tht kinda feeling, and i also dun fall in love easily so yeap it is hard for a girl i know to melt away my icy heart.

okie i guess i should stop here about my love life or rather one sided love life hahahahah.

hmm a bit of update, FYP thingy have not been good as i need to ask someone for project in uni, cos the school dun wan accept my team and give me stupid list of project to do zzzzzzz. hahha now need to wait for the dr to write the proposal and give my school for approval just hope it work man if not it will be depressing. and i am thinking to take my BMAT test next year, just so tht i would not feel stress etc as next sem going to be my final sem in poly life, i wan it to be a blast! booom boooom hahahahahahha

Music and songs

Hahaha long time since I update my blog yo ya been busy rotting at home ya. Hmmm so two update tht I gonna say first is finish ranking n register for me fyp team. Must say tht the team is a 5 members n can't wait to work with thm. Hmm maybe she is right I should be in a team tht make me happy rather thn just cos I have too hahaha. Second update is I starting baking hahaha the pic are at my IG so yeap hahaha must say I enjoy it man but the only thing is just tht hate the cleaning part >.<

Hmm tht all for the update. Now as the title say music and songs, hmm my choice of musicor songs is ddepending on my mood as I can listen to anything good yo not metal and kinda stuff. Sometime whn I am down or depress music is tht only tht will be there for me hahaha kinda sad to be lonely but hey at least got music to accompany me. Hmm sometime I also sing but only in my room hahaha dun know out of tune or not nice but hack care just sing my emotion out I guess hahaha. Be it sad or happy but mostly sad -_- hahaa okay tht all for today

End of Internship woohoo

Hmm today will mark the date and day where i end my internship at NUS. Must say tht 16 weeks have past very fast without me noticing it, just like a blink of an eye. hahahahha yeap i must say tht i enjoy must stay over there as because the ppl over there are very nice and funny. hahahha almost everyday i laugh until stomach pain ahhahhaha. but kinda miss thm as because almost everyone working in the lab is leaving soon left only two to three ppl and new worker which i do not know hahahah. hmm during the intern i must say tht a new path have open for me as because i am always aiming for medicine, but whn doing intern, i find tht doing research is also fun, thus new path open up for me in uni hahhaha researcher can do many things and almost slack most of the time ahhahah as told by one of my supervisor but tht depending on the lab lah. he give me many advice on life, science and life as researcher which i find it funny and also true. he is one of the reason i find tht doing science research is fun. he told me during my intern i only tasted 70% of wat i am doing if i am doing my master and told me tht my staining was done well and it is good quality for research paper tht could be published. usually my ego does not boost if i received a compliment but coming from him it does not boost my ego, but it make me more interested in science. hahahha oh there is many others also in the lab bah but i find him funny he and his coffee hahaha.

in the picture those are ppl who are working in the lab with me, there are other two people not in this picture. they mostly do clinical research and can see that they are busy most of time hahaha.

Just hope tht our path will cross again in the future woohoo. thank you very much for making my stay in the lab enjoying and fun. i really like it :)
 

Update of the 2 week :)

Typing down this post now, i am currently listening to RACHMANINOFF: Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini. Hmm this song bring back memory of my past as I played this song for my music o-level audition whn i was in sec 3. hahahha hmm tht was far to long ago man, but cannot believe i fail cos of my practical hahaha hmm they did not tell me what i fail but i know it was always practical cos i need to play my clarinet in front of three people tht would judge me hahahah. hmm
RACHMANINOFF: Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini was the first song, i played the second song was Londonderry Air, which have the same tune as Danny Boy. hmm tht was the two song tht i failed zzzz hahaha but the theory was easy tht wat i know hahah cos i sleep for 40 min i think >.< 

Okay enough abt my ancient history life. hmm is was the beginning of July last week haha must say tht is have been suck bah hahha hmm cos got rejected by a girl whn i confess to her and after tht it really ruin the whole week. hmm totally no mood to do any work but i simply wear the stupid mask of nothing happen face to work and home hahah guess i am good at doing this. cannot blame bah since secondary school i have been doing this just to avoid ppl or family for asking me, yes they ask me cos they care but it is just tht sometime, i dun wan to feel a burden to thm. ever since secondary school i have been standing alone and try or rather dun wan to rely on ppl but sometime it is hard, so i just pretend tht nothing happen on my face but deep inside me i am hurt. hmm guess this kind of habit need to stop i think?! hahhahaa.

Ppl always ask me why i am not always happy or such, my answer is tht. it is not tht i dun wan to be happy, but just tht i know tht my happiness will not last tht long. tht why rather thn having up and down, i rather have down only okay lah sometime up but mostly down. cos if i am down nothing worst could have happen cos i am always prepare with this feeling mah so just okay loh zzzzz. hahahaha

Oh last friday was a terrible day, it is not cos of wat loh. just tht cos of the experiment tht i am doing in internship does not goes well. feel suck as i put in 100% thn does not turn well zzzz hais. hahah but my supervisor was there to like somewhat cheer my up i guess by saying this is science etc so no need feel upset cos not always all experiment will be good etc need to face some hardship all. hahaha and today he also talk abt something else, hmm he is a good man, always crack up joke whn he got nothing to do and give good advice. some of it is funny but it is true. seriously true hahahaha. oh and it is kinda of sad bah cos internship is ending soon next friday :( gonna miss thm in the lab cos they have been nice to me and very funny also hahahaha. hais after internship end i got 4 days of rest after tht need to register for FYP hais my day could not get any better ya hahaha hmm guess this is so call the final lap uh tht why need to do this kinda of things. but i must say tht after going through internship it open a path for me on the course i wanna study in uni. cos i been aiming for a single course only zzz, after intern i am thinking of another possible course tht would interest me loh.

oh oh tmr half day loh hahahaha weeee they gonna treat us for lunch weeeee hope can snap many pic and post i guess hahaha >< and arghhh fasting months coming also damn man hahaha zzzz.

oh before i forget, now days i am into poem and such zzz dun know why but sometime i feel tht it explain my feeling better thn wat i wanna say loh so yea. hahah 

"Cold dew softly covers the stone steps and gently wets my feet.  The night is deep, as I return to my room, the lonely moonlight follows me".  Li Bai

this poem was by Li Bai, as it describe abt the women he love. hmm can feel the loneliness and sadness as he went home alone without the women he love.

internship

Hahaha been working my ass off during this internship n always lack of sleep n rest. Damn shag hmmm only like 3 more official week left before the internship end. Hmmm dun know if it is a good news or bad hahhaa. Basically I am too tired to think abt my feeling n my emotion liao cos of work hahahaha. I am like a soulless person already dun know how to show emotion hahaha cos I am always tired n tired n tired zzzzzz hais hahahhaha n seem like my poly life is ending soon also must really do damn well in last sem n get into uni loh hahaha typical dream n plab for all yea but really cannot wait to study more as I am theory person more thn practical.  Think tht all for today folk see ya

Myself

sometime i also do not understand myself, i am really seriously pissed with myself sometime. why am i like this, why can't i just let it go. WHY WHY WHY.... question and pile of question is being stacked and i am just running away or rather flooding myself with work just to distract myself with this question. YES i cannot find an answer yet, yes i am really suck whn i am finding answer for myself. i can help ppl in everything and i can do anything tht i want. BUT why can't i answer my own personal question. WHY!!!! I know tht i give in easily, depress easily and like to tear myself down until i get tear coming out of my eyes. but just tht my head is always filled with question abt stupid things, why can't i have her, why can't she be mine, why i always give in easily... why why why arghh..... sometime the only way to shut up my brain is just to flood with myself with work, but i am just running away and more and more question are being piled up in my head and i need to sort thm out.... hais getting sad over something tht i should not be, getting worried abt something tht i should not have. YES I DUN BELIEVE IN GOD, tht why i always stand alone cos i dun wanna have pillars of support around me. they are my fren, and even my close fren dun know me tht well cos i always does not tell him or her tht much cos i really dun wan thm to worry about me. i am just like a who does not show emotion tht much and when shown it is very deep. even my intern boss, told me tht i like rarely show emotion and always give a straight face. just tht if u take out my mask, u will see a sad boy just wanna be happy but he could not. she told me before tht to be happy, it is my choice, no one can stop you. i tried very hard to be happy, but around me things, always make me depress and sad. thus i really dun know how to be happy or sad sometime, and just wear a mask on my face tht does not show emotion.... yes i am used to be called a cold person, a emotionless person and yes i can become like tht again, but after meeting some ppl in life, my stone heart had melt and this make me feel stupid as i get emotional out of sudden and could not control it :(.... hais suck to be me. there is a few ppl, know tht i fake my smile and tht i am just like a little kids tht could not do anything. i just wan you to take care of my again. i really could not make it without you. i am really tired of standing alone without pillar to support me whn the time i needed i the most. if only u would read this, thn u will understand my heart. pls be beside me like u used to be and take care of me. i know tht i usually need more care, but i swear tht i will also take care of u, in a way tht i could.... ppl around me always say tht i am smart, genius and hardworking but to tell u the truth uh, ppl like me are always alone, ppl like me cannot find true happiness because we have high exception on our self. and if we met the exception, we will push it even higher until we could not. YES i am trying to be prefect in everything but i am totally dumb in emotion, friendship, relationship (if have one)... all i do is say only oh if i have a girlfriend, i would do this and tht for her blah blah blah. but the point it tht will i do it, will a small fight shaken me. sometime i just wan to be free and lift of the burden on my shoulder. yes some ppl always say tht why i always shoulder all the burden to myself etc. but just tht i rather suffer alone thn to let ppl around me suffer.... this body, mind and soul of mine will carry on any burden until it break.whn it break tht will be the time whn i am free from the cage i build for myself, the cage where i lock myself.

Update

it have been a long time since my last update hahaha so i just gonna say what happen during this past few weeks in one single post ><

First would be internship haha, yeap now mark the how many week of internship which is both fun and stress also depressing hahaha. the negative part would be cos of contamination of cell culture arghh can tell you tht it just stupid to let ur 14 work gone to waste thank to a bloody contamination. like they say contamination is a bitch to all cell culture hahah. hmm the good part is tht my work ppl are very fun to hang out with and fun to talk. i learn a lot from them and they also crack some joke to make my stress day less stress hahaha but sad tht they will be leaving the lab but the good thing is tht after my internship end woohoo more joke n laugh day for me :)

Second would be yes it was my birthday 7th June. hmm and yes i dun celebrate my birthday cos i dun find it a need to. as for me i dun like to waste money or time. but i am really grateful tht ppl wish my a happy birthday. blah blah blah on tht hahahah

third personal. ppl always wonder why i am always stress and panic and like to flood myself with work etc. it is not tht i personally like to flood myself with work or wat, it is just tht i wanna to distract my mind from other things, thus flooding myself with work it better thn having gotten myself in depression cos of some stupid things. sometime i just wanna run away when ever i think about it cos to tell u the truth, i am not as strong as what u think i am. Yes i am still cannot get myself over her, yes i sometime think abt her and just wanna hold her hand n hug her. i swear i just wan her but i know tht i could not and i should give up but i can't. hais hahaha FML i guess

fourth, hmm for this week there is band camp for 3D2N, the first night there is combined band practice and it was fun as u can see many generation of band member play with the main band. hmm actually cos there is a concert on the 28 june, thus there is a combined item for the alumni band and main band so ya hahha. and today or rather yesterday, was BBQ week where we just slack and chat and talk cock ahahha. hmm kinda miss those old band days to make music together and got scold together and see some drama in band etc. hmmm i actually grown alot in band thank to my senior, teacher and conductor. tht why tht band mean something special to me.

oh ya now i remember abt internship also, yes i damn learn a lot of things from there OMG now i know tht microsoft excel is totally not tht good loh MY GOD make my school life hard nia, now using a new software called SPSS it is a better software thn excel to do many things abt data hahaha damn cool loh hehehhehe ><

okay i think tht it for now yawnnn yawnnnn hahahha need to sleep liao .

Random

No matter how much i want to forget the things tht people do to me or what i did. i could not. it is embedded in my memory. yes i can forgive people but sadly i could not forget wat they did. but sometime i just overcome it by the fun i had with those ppl. hais no matter how long I ponder about life and my past, it only bring pain, sadness, depression and excitement. i dun not know what to thing about it. why i am too observed about the past, why can't i just move on. tht question is still left unanswered. many things in life, where question are unanswered or rather some question are best left unanswered because it might really hurt you. we are always curious about things and cross some limit which make things worst. no matter how much i think abt life, tears always drip down and some depression will occur. hahhaha just hope tht now i could be happy. truly happy and not force myself to smile just because i dun wan ppl to worry. 

Short story

Hmm suddenly got some feeling or rather mood to write down a story haha. Ps for any bad grammer or some sentence structure >.<


Looking nervously in an empty room with him, I could not bare myself to say a single words out and also could not move from my seat as I could sense tht he was staring at me from the back. Yes I do like him from back thn when we were in the same high school. He was famous in school as he got the good look n cool personality thus ppl always like to hang around with him but he always beside me to keep me accompany. From there I develop a feeling for him but could not say it as I dun wan our relationship as fren to end if I confess to him.

Suddenly the sound of the chair being moved came behind me. I turn n look there he was standing behind me. I did not know wat to do n out of the blue I noticed tht in pinned down on the table in front of me. I look at him n ask him.  He did not reply. The only things I could see was he moisturising his lip with his tongue n before I could digest on the situation,  I felt something touch my lips. It was his lips. The moist lip glued to my lips n I was shocked n try to push hin away but it there was no progress.

His tongue trying to enter my mouth n I could smell his pheromone as he trying to do tht to me. I still struggle myself to get out. Suddenly his hand rub against my body n wondering. Before I notice, the buttons on my shirt is being unbuttoned one by one n my belt is being removed.

Hahah shall stop here the rest u can guess n think wat happen ><

Dream n Fantasy

Ppl always say tht if you have a dream, u can surely make your dream come true whn you work hard for it. Or around tht line they will say to you. But they do not know tht some dream will not come true even if u urself work damn hard for it, even if u put in 100% effort. The dream will not come true no matter wat. Yes I am a bit or rather too negative but tht does not mean tht I am stupid enough to put my hope high enough to think tht the dream I tht I have will come true cos if it doesn't it will just hurt me as I feel like my time n effort a put to waste n suffer from depression.  Even ur fantasy is useless to let ur mind roam free nthink abt things with couls only occur whn u r born with it. I know some might say tht we r born with a fixed plan from him blah blah blah but I dun believe in tht cos in life you control ur own fate n life. Rather thn say tht I was born to be this tht all. Hais but sometime it might be true tht we r born with things tht we ourself cannot control. Like me I know myself well tht I was born to be alone n have limit number of fren n I accept it. Kinda of suck lah to be lonely but wat to do. Haha I dun care of wat ppl say but I just sometime u need to suck up just to be accepted in a group or to be accept by ppl. I am not like tht kinda of ppl. Rather thn sucking up which I find it stupid, I find fren who r there for me who understand n know me. But sometime I will feel damn jealous lah cos of those stupid couple always do their things like after school meet up or after intern meet n go home together.  To be able to find someone tht fit another half of ur heart is not easy.  I thought tht I found mine twice but I am wrong haha maybe cos I am too nice to ppl tht they intend to keep me as a fren or maybe because I dun have the look. I can be not nice at all I can be a demon n cold heartless person if I wan to just like last time but I change. Now I wish I was like last timr heartless n cold. Hahaha

Friends

I always dun usually like to be with ppl or rather stay with thm or talk cos I dun see the need aometimes n thus I have no fren last time.  Tht was my thinking.  But during secondary school I must say tht I am a guy with a few fren cos I dun really like to make fren as I am shy or rather dun see the need after tht things start to change slowly whn I reach poly where I find tht fren r important n they will always be there blah blah blah. But the main thing is tht the fren tht I have is the one tht I am proud to say tht they r my fren or rather close fren where they understand me, can make me happy. Techinally be there with me in my good time n bad hahah okay bah only some of thm I am proud to call thm my fren actually there is 4 ppl tht are really dear to me even n I will do anything for thm :) yeap I dun need many fren to be with but just need thm four cos they r the one tht really make me feel damn happy even whn i am sad n know me even if I never say anything.  I am really blessed to be able to meet thm n I will always cherish thm.

Past

Okay seem like now I have time to update my blog so it gonna be very long. So be prepare uh hehehehe >.<

Hmmm after I made her become angry with me, I do realise tht I am a type of guy tht dun usually like to argue or fight with ppl. Cos I just keep quiet abt everything that happen around me even if I dun like it, I just suck my tumb n just move on cos I damn damn lazy to argue with people as some ppl will just argue back with you using stupid reason n u can just wanna shut him/her up. N the other reason is just tht I dun wanna hurt ppl feeling. Can see tht I rarely ask ppl thing or so as I dun wanna be selfish person. But after got her angry I find tht all this is true now need to change or so loh. Hahaha but I really dun know how to talk to her. Not cos of awkward cos I dun know which words to pick n used in my sentence to her.  Just hope tht I am able to talk to her maybe.

Next for this past few days, memory of him keep appearing in my head everytime. Like those memory I had with him in china, school n outside. All the stupid things tht we used totalk abt etc.  I really dun know why but based on some dededuction,  I guess I kinda miss him? Even though I can deny it with words coming out of my mouth but I cannot deny the true feeling I felt currently. Yes we did argue a lot last time but I guess this is the worst one tht we had so far. I dun know but now I must really stand my ground. Yeap I miss him n wanna talk to him etc but I cannot as whn I made the decision it is absolute. To me fren meant everything as I am not close to my family n have little fren around me so each fren tht I made is damn precious to me. But ya lah something I say tht I dun miss thn wat so ever but deep down I really miss hahaha cannot blame me though as I dun usually say the truth abt my feeling to some maybe but not all. So something need to see my sentence structure n my tone loh hahaha XD

Now abt intern. Okay so currently I am doing two project for my intern but kinda of depress leh cos one of the project tht I am doing the cell got contamination now need to re do again :( learn new things though like staining, edit photo n all the things loh. Hahaa but yesterday I got to take care n teach a student doing phd on the staining tht I am doing must say tht it is damn nervous cos phd leh. But all end well cos she understand wat i said woohoo.

Lost

Hmm today kinda stupid as I gotten myself lost somewhere in singapore hahaha wanna go to Thomson plaze so drop at the mrt station before bishan on the circle line... end up walk walk n find myself getting lost twice. Damn hot n gotten myself lost sian can say tht I turn wrong direction n lucky I ask some ppl for direction n end up getting to Thomson plaze with little amount of energy n sweat like a mad dog hahaha... hmmm during the getting lost time frame, I must say tht it kinda remind me of life, where we r always going to be lost at a certain point of time but if we ask direction (help) we will surely find our way out. Rather thn being stubborn n just walk blindly n get u to no where. But walking blindly got it own merit as u might find some nice place to see or chill out next time hahaha. Marco polo would be proud of me haha for following his foot step LOL hahaha...

After walking at Thomson plaza, time to go back must say tht I still talk to this guy tht I met jn the PFP camp. He is kinda of my junior hahaha. Feel sad for him as from school start till now he feels lonely n he is like being outcast by his classmate :( hais wish tht I was there to accompany him so tht he will not be lonely.  Cos I dun wan hin to do stupid things like skip school etc hais hais hope tht internship end fast so tht I could see him maybe. But I think by tht time he should have a close fren to be with :)

happy

To be able to stay happy always is kinda a big deal to me as I really wanna smile n be happy always. But the situation as always bring me to the negative side n test my limit. Yea I know tht I can choose if I wanna be happy or not but sometime the incident or situation affect me n thus how can I be happy... pretend to smile n just ignore the worlds is wat I got at last time but now everything around me affecting me even smallest things could just affect me. Hmmm really just wanna be happy n carefree like I used to be just like last time dun bother wat ppl say or think just do wat I wan hahaha. Yea I can do it woohoo... but sometime I think I got bipolar disorder is it because of my horoscope?  Or simply just because of me myself hahaha hope tht my pms mood will be kept at bay hahaha as it will affect me more often n ppl around me. Yeap I should smile more n be cheerful as ever hahahaha okie lame liao zzzzz...

Laptop :(

Hmm damn sad as I will not be with my laptop for more thn 2 days as I had sent it to service thank to black screen of death hahaha. .. first day without laptop damn sad cos I always do things on my laptop almost everyday hais no korean drama, no manga, no anime hais hais hais damn suck hahha but kinda glad to meet up with kenrich as he also send his laptop to service... went there together n grab late lunch over there. Sit down n just talk crap n catch up with him hahha kinda glad to be able to see him.  Dun know why but sometime with him u feel relax n can be damn carefree maybe his aura hmmm dun really know hahhaha...

internship cum feeling

Hmm been too long since my last post so well just update thn hahha n a bit of something >.< currently doing internship n must say tht can be either tiring or slacking haha but the project tht I am currently doing 2 project... just hopefully tht the project is done n get results woohoo. The environment of the place is kinda depending cos not everyone is tht close but they r frendly can be a joke also since they like to crank some joke to ease the tension hahahhaa but kinda glad to be having my intern over there hehehe...

Now feeling, for this past few days the feeling of sad n uneasiness have been attacking me n left me confused or rather scared of wat to come... hmn I dun usually show ppl my fear ortell thm wat I am scared abt but I am still a human where I also scared of things n sometime wanna just hhide myself or run away from it but I can't.  Tried it before but I fall deeper n more pain is produce hais :(

Decision n life

Yes my action on the decision tht I made is somehow betraying all my group member. But pls remember tht u ppl are the one tht never hold on to your words. But this reason was not the only reason as why I left the team it is also because I could not bare to see another on of my good fren who have no team be alone n will be placed to random team. Tht why I decided go leave n go with him. So if you are truely my fren, rather thn be angry with me or say tht I made a busted move, I would rather u call me n ask me why I leave. This is like the same incident as last time where I told u my action n u straight away judge me without listening to my explanation.  I thought tht u have learn your lesson but I am sad to say you have not. I decided to stay silent n will wait for you to make the first move if u see me as a fren, if not I will just dun care abt it already. Yes this might make me as an ass but I am seriously very tired n sometime dun even know you tht well cos u changed a lot cos of her.

Well I get depressed easily but now I feel tht this time around I am not depress abt wat happen. I will see this as a test rather thn emo one corner.  Being a stoic person is no easy thing but constantly u will find yourself trap in the void n pressure will consume you right up. I will just wait until the day where I will be broken down n could not stand up again, whn yht happen,  tht will be the time where I am truely tired n fully consume or suck in the void. Slowly the light at the end will be getting unreachable.

something new :)

Hmm recently start internship and must say tht i was not looking forward to it at first but after doing some hand on work on the machine. I have fallen in love to it all the machine and the text tht you can read n increase your knowledge everything are so wonderful amd must say tht I wanna published my own paper if possible (tht wat thy said on the first day).

Second part is tht most recently I have been talking to this guy tht I met in the pfp camp hahha he is kinda like a junior to me but we have fun time watapp-ing each other hahha ;)

Woohoo hopefully tmr would be another great day yea woohoo :)