Alone

hmmm i dun know why i keep feeling this way. find tht i am damn pathetic and damn stupid at the same time. i always tell myself tht i am not a normal human tht why i cannot be happy like wat normal human felt. but to say tht i dun wan to be happy is it just a lie, i also wan to feel happy, i also wan to find someone tht can make me feel happy and also cover the empty space in my heart. i wan to be a normal human or rather a normal person, doing the things i do, become workaholic is jsut a way for me to prevent myself for feeling alone and lonely. why ppl can't understand tht.............. or maybe i am fated to be alone and feel lonely and just do what i did best. just see what happiness is from other ppl sometime make me mad and angry at myself.

Faith and Frenship.

Hmmm i dun know if i post this before or not, but meh. just post it again, since it keep bugging me.

I think we are always alone and fragile in some area of our life, tht why we always seek out friends and company to not be alone and have fun. Sometime we even seek to the power of divine or deity to protect us as we are really fragile. yes this is kinda like pillar of support or safety net, for us to fall when we make mistake or sometime it is also for us to blame upon if we got no one to blame. sometime relying on someone is always better because we will not feel that our life is pathetic alone etc. but upon relying too much we will always get greedy as we want the feeling to always be there or the person to always be there. but what right do we have to tell ppl how to live their live as it belong to theirs and they need to make a decision on how to live it, we can only advice thm and be there for them. hahahah really sound pathetic but i guess sometime being alone, really make one appreciate others and also make one turn into a person tht they should not be.

Sometime i really wonder how people could easily say tht your frenship is jsut a waste of time etc. does frenship take into consideration of time spend and waste or rather the bond between two ppl. hais seriously i am really getting tired of this. one thing me wan to say will be just dun make me become like last time where i am stone cold and i am really bad person. i kept that personality at bay purely using my will as i dun wan to be tht person, but if it cannot be help thn i guess it time for tht person to come out.

True Love or arrange marriage plus some update

hmmm really dun know how to start but just start i guess hahahahah.

my dad must be barking mad or he maybe on pot i guess. seriously telling me tht he wan to arrange my marriage with one of his niece (my grandfather's brother/sister's son/daughter's granddaughter). told me to get to know her first thn if can do an engagement ceremony. he must be mad really really mad, crazy for me to have arrange marriage is not heard off ( i guess have bah but i denying it >.<). hais but luckly my granddad and mum oppose to his decision, mum and granddad say tht i must study and become successful etc. hahahahha if they know tht i got rejected twice uh, maybe they will be shock bah uh hahahah for me tht always say tht i will find a wife whn i have a stable income and job. hais sometime i just dun know or understand myself i guess, cos maybe to see wat others have and wan it myself or rather i just wan tht person cos i really like? sometime i guess the principle tht i build for myself is not always right bah as my feeling can over-rule thm hahaha.

hahhaha sometime i just wish she is next to me and i could bring her happiness, seeing or sometime hearing her sad make my heart pain. hmmm maybe i just not her knight in shiny armor i guess. my fren always say tht dun give up cos of one girl as there is other girl out there, but uh it is tht girl tht could make me happy n feel enlightenment tht why i would wan her to be mine. not any random girl tht could make me tht kinda feeling, and i also dun fall in love easily so yeap it is hard for a girl i know to melt away my icy heart.

okie i guess i should stop here about my love life or rather one sided love life hahahahah.

hmm a bit of update, FYP thingy have not been good as i need to ask someone for project in uni, cos the school dun wan accept my team and give me stupid list of project to do zzzzzzz. hahha now need to wait for the dr to write the proposal and give my school for approval just hope it work man if not it will be depressing. and i am thinking to take my BMAT test next year, just so tht i would not feel stress etc as next sem going to be my final sem in poly life, i wan it to be a blast! booom boooom hahahahahahha

Music and songs

Hahaha long time since I update my blog yo ya been busy rotting at home ya. Hmmm so two update tht I gonna say first is finish ranking n register for me fyp team. Must say tht the team is a 5 members n can't wait to work with thm. Hmm maybe she is right I should be in a team tht make me happy rather thn just cos I have too hahaha. Second update is I starting baking hahaha the pic are at my IG so yeap hahaha must say I enjoy it man but the only thing is just tht hate the cleaning part >.<

Hmm tht all for the update. Now as the title say music and songs, hmm my choice of musicor songs is ddepending on my mood as I can listen to anything good yo not metal and kinda stuff. Sometime whn I am down or depress music is tht only tht will be there for me hahaha kinda sad to be lonely but hey at least got music to accompany me. Hmm sometime I also sing but only in my room hahaha dun know out of tune or not nice but hack care just sing my emotion out I guess hahaha. Be it sad or happy but mostly sad -_- hahaa okay tht all for today

End of Internship woohoo

Hmm today will mark the date and day where i end my internship at NUS. Must say tht 16 weeks have past very fast without me noticing it, just like a blink of an eye. hahahahha yeap i must say tht i enjoy must stay over there as because the ppl over there are very nice and funny. hahahha almost everyday i laugh until stomach pain ahhahhaha. but kinda miss thm as because almost everyone working in the lab is leaving soon left only two to three ppl and new worker which i do not know hahahah. hmm during the intern i must say tht a new path have open for me as because i am always aiming for medicine, but whn doing intern, i find tht doing research is also fun, thus new path open up for me in uni hahhaha researcher can do many things and almost slack most of the time ahhahah as told by one of my supervisor but tht depending on the lab lah. he give me many advice on life, science and life as researcher which i find it funny and also true. he is one of the reason i find tht doing science research is fun. he told me during my intern i only tasted 70% of wat i am doing if i am doing my master and told me tht my staining was done well and it is good quality for research paper tht could be published. usually my ego does not boost if i received a compliment but coming from him it does not boost my ego, but it make me more interested in science. hahahha oh there is many others also in the lab bah but i find him funny he and his coffee hahaha.

in the picture those are ppl who are working in the lab with me, there are other two people not in this picture. they mostly do clinical research and can see that they are busy most of time hahaha.

Just hope tht our path will cross again in the future woohoo. thank you very much for making my stay in the lab enjoying and fun. i really like it :)
 

Update of the 2 week :)

Typing down this post now, i am currently listening to RACHMANINOFF: Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini. Hmm this song bring back memory of my past as I played this song for my music o-level audition whn i was in sec 3. hahahha hmm tht was far to long ago man, but cannot believe i fail cos of my practical hahaha hmm they did not tell me what i fail but i know it was always practical cos i need to play my clarinet in front of three people tht would judge me hahahah. hmm
RACHMANINOFF: Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini was the first song, i played the second song was Londonderry Air, which have the same tune as Danny Boy. hmm tht was the two song tht i failed zzzz hahaha but the theory was easy tht wat i know hahah cos i sleep for 40 min i think >.< 

Okay enough abt my ancient history life. hmm is was the beginning of July last week haha must say tht is have been suck bah hahha hmm cos got rejected by a girl whn i confess to her and after tht it really ruin the whole week. hmm totally no mood to do any work but i simply wear the stupid mask of nothing happen face to work and home hahah guess i am good at doing this. cannot blame bah since secondary school i have been doing this just to avoid ppl or family for asking me, yes they ask me cos they care but it is just tht sometime, i dun wan to feel a burden to thm. ever since secondary school i have been standing alone and try or rather dun wan to rely on ppl but sometime it is hard, so i just pretend tht nothing happen on my face but deep inside me i am hurt. hmm guess this kind of habit need to stop i think?! hahhahaa.

Ppl always ask me why i am not always happy or such, my answer is tht. it is not tht i dun wan to be happy, but just tht i know tht my happiness will not last tht long. tht why rather thn having up and down, i rather have down only okay lah sometime up but mostly down. cos if i am down nothing worst could have happen cos i am always prepare with this feeling mah so just okay loh zzzzz. hahahaha

Oh last friday was a terrible day, it is not cos of wat loh. just tht cos of the experiment tht i am doing in internship does not goes well. feel suck as i put in 100% thn does not turn well zzzz hais. hahah but my supervisor was there to like somewhat cheer my up i guess by saying this is science etc so no need feel upset cos not always all experiment will be good etc need to face some hardship all. hahaha and today he also talk abt something else, hmm he is a good man, always crack up joke whn he got nothing to do and give good advice. some of it is funny but it is true. seriously true hahahaha. oh and it is kinda of sad bah cos internship is ending soon next friday :( gonna miss thm in the lab cos they have been nice to me and very funny also hahahaha. hais after internship end i got 4 days of rest after tht need to register for FYP hais my day could not get any better ya hahaha hmm guess this is so call the final lap uh tht why need to do this kinda of things. but i must say tht after going through internship it open a path for me on the course i wanna study in uni. cos i been aiming for a single course only zzz, after intern i am thinking of another possible course tht would interest me loh.

oh oh tmr half day loh hahahaha weeee they gonna treat us for lunch weeeee hope can snap many pic and post i guess hahaha >< and arghhh fasting months coming also damn man hahaha zzzz.

oh before i forget, now days i am into poem and such zzz dun know why but sometime i feel tht it explain my feeling better thn wat i wanna say loh so yea. hahah 

"Cold dew softly covers the stone steps and gently wets my feet.  The night is deep, as I return to my room, the lonely moonlight follows me".  Li Bai

this poem was by Li Bai, as it describe abt the women he love. hmm can feel the loneliness and sadness as he went home alone without the women he love.

internship

Hahaha been working my ass off during this internship n always lack of sleep n rest. Damn shag hmmm only like 3 more official week left before the internship end. Hmmm dun know if it is a good news or bad hahhaa. Basically I am too tired to think abt my feeling n my emotion liao cos of work hahahaha. I am like a soulless person already dun know how to show emotion hahaha cos I am always tired n tired n tired zzzzzz hais hahahhaha n seem like my poly life is ending soon also must really do damn well in last sem n get into uni loh hahaha typical dream n plab for all yea but really cannot wait to study more as I am theory person more thn practical.  Think tht all for today folk see ya