internship

Hahaha been working my ass off during this internship n always lack of sleep n rest. Damn shag hmmm only like 3 more official week left before the internship end. Hmmm dun know if it is a good news or bad hahhaa. Basically I am too tired to think abt my feeling n my emotion liao cos of work hahahaha. I am like a soulless person already dun know how to show emotion hahaha cos I am always tired n tired n tired zzzzzz hais hahahhaha n seem like my poly life is ending soon also must really do damn well in last sem n get into uni loh hahaha typical dream n plab for all yea but really cannot wait to study more as I am theory person more thn practical.  Think tht all for today folk see ya

Myself

sometime i also do not understand myself, i am really seriously pissed with myself sometime. why am i like this, why can't i just let it go. WHY WHY WHY.... question and pile of question is being stacked and i am just running away or rather flooding myself with work just to distract myself with this question. YES i cannot find an answer yet, yes i am really suck whn i am finding answer for myself. i can help ppl in everything and i can do anything tht i want. BUT why can't i answer my own personal question. WHY!!!! I know tht i give in easily, depress easily and like to tear myself down until i get tear coming out of my eyes. but just tht my head is always filled with question abt stupid things, why can't i have her, why can't she be mine, why i always give in easily... why why why arghh..... sometime the only way to shut up my brain is just to flood with myself with work, but i am just running away and more and more question are being piled up in my head and i need to sort thm out.... hais getting sad over something tht i should not be, getting worried abt something tht i should not have. YES I DUN BELIEVE IN GOD, tht why i always stand alone cos i dun wanna have pillars of support around me. they are my fren, and even my close fren dun know me tht well cos i always does not tell him or her tht much cos i really dun wan thm to worry about me. i am just like a who does not show emotion tht much and when shown it is very deep. even my intern boss, told me tht i like rarely show emotion and always give a straight face. just tht if u take out my mask, u will see a sad boy just wanna be happy but he could not. she told me before tht to be happy, it is my choice, no one can stop you. i tried very hard to be happy, but around me things, always make me depress and sad. thus i really dun know how to be happy or sad sometime, and just wear a mask on my face tht does not show emotion.... yes i am used to be called a cold person, a emotionless person and yes i can become like tht again, but after meeting some ppl in life, my stone heart had melt and this make me feel stupid as i get emotional out of sudden and could not control it :(.... hais suck to be me. there is a few ppl, know tht i fake my smile and tht i am just like a little kids tht could not do anything. i just wan you to take care of my again. i really could not make it without you. i am really tired of standing alone without pillar to support me whn the time i needed i the most. if only u would read this, thn u will understand my heart. pls be beside me like u used to be and take care of me. i know tht i usually need more care, but i swear tht i will also take care of u, in a way tht i could.... ppl around me always say tht i am smart, genius and hardworking but to tell u the truth uh, ppl like me are always alone, ppl like me cannot find true happiness because we have high exception on our self. and if we met the exception, we will push it even higher until we could not. YES i am trying to be prefect in everything but i am totally dumb in emotion, friendship, relationship (if have one)... all i do is say only oh if i have a girlfriend, i would do this and tht for her blah blah blah. but the point it tht will i do it, will a small fight shaken me. sometime i just wan to be free and lift of the burden on my shoulder. yes some ppl always say tht why i always shoulder all the burden to myself etc. but just tht i rather suffer alone thn to let ppl around me suffer.... this body, mind and soul of mine will carry on any burden until it break.whn it break tht will be the time whn i am free from the cage i build for myself, the cage where i lock myself.

Update

it have been a long time since my last update hahaha so i just gonna say what happen during this past few weeks in one single post ><

First would be internship haha, yeap now mark the how many week of internship which is both fun and stress also depressing hahaha. the negative part would be cos of contamination of cell culture arghh can tell you tht it just stupid to let ur 14 work gone to waste thank to a bloody contamination. like they say contamination is a bitch to all cell culture hahah. hmm the good part is tht my work ppl are very fun to hang out with and fun to talk. i learn a lot from them and they also crack some joke to make my stress day less stress hahaha but sad tht they will be leaving the lab but the good thing is tht after my internship end woohoo more joke n laugh day for me :)

Second would be yes it was my birthday 7th June. hmm and yes i dun celebrate my birthday cos i dun find it a need to. as for me i dun like to waste money or time. but i am really grateful tht ppl wish my a happy birthday. blah blah blah on tht hahahah

third personal. ppl always wonder why i am always stress and panic and like to flood myself with work etc. it is not tht i personally like to flood myself with work or wat, it is just tht i wanna to distract my mind from other things, thus flooding myself with work it better thn having gotten myself in depression cos of some stupid things. sometime i just wanna run away when ever i think about it cos to tell u the truth, i am not as strong as what u think i am. Yes i am still cannot get myself over her, yes i sometime think abt her and just wanna hold her hand n hug her. i swear i just wan her but i know tht i could not and i should give up but i can't. hais hahaha FML i guess

fourth, hmm for this week there is band camp for 3D2N, the first night there is combined band practice and it was fun as u can see many generation of band member play with the main band. hmm actually cos there is a concert on the 28 june, thus there is a combined item for the alumni band and main band so ya hahha. and today or rather yesterday, was BBQ week where we just slack and chat and talk cock ahahha. hmm kinda miss those old band days to make music together and got scold together and see some drama in band etc. hmmm i actually grown alot in band thank to my senior, teacher and conductor. tht why tht band mean something special to me.

oh ya now i remember abt internship also, yes i damn learn a lot of things from there OMG now i know tht microsoft excel is totally not tht good loh MY GOD make my school life hard nia, now using a new software called SPSS it is a better software thn excel to do many things abt data hahaha damn cool loh hehehhehe ><

okay i think tht it for now yawnnn yawnnnn hahahha need to sleep liao .