Random

No matter how much i want to forget the things tht people do to me or what i did. i could not. it is embedded in my memory. yes i can forgive people but sadly i could not forget wat they did. but sometime i just overcome it by the fun i had with those ppl. hais no matter how long I ponder about life and my past, it only bring pain, sadness, depression and excitement. i dun not know what to thing about it. why i am too observed about the past, why can't i just move on. tht question is still left unanswered. many things in life, where question are unanswered or rather some question are best left unanswered because it might really hurt you. we are always curious about things and cross some limit which make things worst. no matter how much i think abt life, tears always drip down and some depression will occur. hahhaha just hope tht now i could be happy. truly happy and not force myself to smile just because i dun wan ppl to worry. 

Short story

Hmm suddenly got some feeling or rather mood to write down a story haha. Ps for any bad grammer or some sentence structure >.<


Looking nervously in an empty room with him, I could not bare myself to say a single words out and also could not move from my seat as I could sense tht he was staring at me from the back. Yes I do like him from back thn when we were in the same high school. He was famous in school as he got the good look n cool personality thus ppl always like to hang around with him but he always beside me to keep me accompany. From there I develop a feeling for him but could not say it as I dun wan our relationship as fren to end if I confess to him.

Suddenly the sound of the chair being moved came behind me. I turn n look there he was standing behind me. I did not know wat to do n out of the blue I noticed tht in pinned down on the table in front of me. I look at him n ask him.  He did not reply. The only things I could see was he moisturising his lip with his tongue n before I could digest on the situation,  I felt something touch my lips. It was his lips. The moist lip glued to my lips n I was shocked n try to push hin away but it there was no progress.

His tongue trying to enter my mouth n I could smell his pheromone as he trying to do tht to me. I still struggle myself to get out. Suddenly his hand rub against my body n wondering. Before I notice, the buttons on my shirt is being unbuttoned one by one n my belt is being removed.

Hahah shall stop here the rest u can guess n think wat happen ><

Dream n Fantasy

Ppl always say tht if you have a dream, u can surely make your dream come true whn you work hard for it. Or around tht line they will say to you. But they do not know tht some dream will not come true even if u urself work damn hard for it, even if u put in 100% effort. The dream will not come true no matter wat. Yes I am a bit or rather too negative but tht does not mean tht I am stupid enough to put my hope high enough to think tht the dream I tht I have will come true cos if it doesn't it will just hurt me as I feel like my time n effort a put to waste n suffer from depression.  Even ur fantasy is useless to let ur mind roam free nthink abt things with couls only occur whn u r born with it. I know some might say tht we r born with a fixed plan from him blah blah blah but I dun believe in tht cos in life you control ur own fate n life. Rather thn say tht I was born to be this tht all. Hais but sometime it might be true tht we r born with things tht we ourself cannot control. Like me I know myself well tht I was born to be alone n have limit number of fren n I accept it. Kinda of suck lah to be lonely but wat to do. Haha I dun care of wat ppl say but I just sometime u need to suck up just to be accepted in a group or to be accept by ppl. I am not like tht kinda of ppl. Rather thn sucking up which I find it stupid, I find fren who r there for me who understand n know me. But sometime I will feel damn jealous lah cos of those stupid couple always do their things like after school meet up or after intern meet n go home together.  To be able to find someone tht fit another half of ur heart is not easy.  I thought tht I found mine twice but I am wrong haha maybe cos I am too nice to ppl tht they intend to keep me as a fren or maybe because I dun have the look. I can be not nice at all I can be a demon n cold heartless person if I wan to just like last time but I change. Now I wish I was like last timr heartless n cold. Hahaha

Friends

I always dun usually like to be with ppl or rather stay with thm or talk cos I dun see the need aometimes n thus I have no fren last time.  Tht was my thinking.  But during secondary school I must say tht I am a guy with a few fren cos I dun really like to make fren as I am shy or rather dun see the need after tht things start to change slowly whn I reach poly where I find tht fren r important n they will always be there blah blah blah. But the main thing is tht the fren tht I have is the one tht I am proud to say tht they r my fren or rather close fren where they understand me, can make me happy. Techinally be there with me in my good time n bad hahah okay bah only some of thm I am proud to call thm my fren actually there is 4 ppl tht are really dear to me even n I will do anything for thm :) yeap I dun need many fren to be with but just need thm four cos they r the one tht really make me feel damn happy even whn i am sad n know me even if I never say anything.  I am really blessed to be able to meet thm n I will always cherish thm.

Past

Okay seem like now I have time to update my blog so it gonna be very long. So be prepare uh hehehehe >.<

Hmmm after I made her become angry with me, I do realise tht I am a type of guy tht dun usually like to argue or fight with ppl. Cos I just keep quiet abt everything that happen around me even if I dun like it, I just suck my tumb n just move on cos I damn damn lazy to argue with people as some ppl will just argue back with you using stupid reason n u can just wanna shut him/her up. N the other reason is just tht I dun wanna hurt ppl feeling. Can see tht I rarely ask ppl thing or so as I dun wanna be selfish person. But after got her angry I find tht all this is true now need to change or so loh. Hahaha but I really dun know how to talk to her. Not cos of awkward cos I dun know which words to pick n used in my sentence to her.  Just hope tht I am able to talk to her maybe.

Next for this past few days, memory of him keep appearing in my head everytime. Like those memory I had with him in china, school n outside. All the stupid things tht we used totalk abt etc.  I really dun know why but based on some dededuction,  I guess I kinda miss him? Even though I can deny it with words coming out of my mouth but I cannot deny the true feeling I felt currently. Yes we did argue a lot last time but I guess this is the worst one tht we had so far. I dun know but now I must really stand my ground. Yeap I miss him n wanna talk to him etc but I cannot as whn I made the decision it is absolute. To me fren meant everything as I am not close to my family n have little fren around me so each fren tht I made is damn precious to me. But ya lah something I say tht I dun miss thn wat so ever but deep down I really miss hahaha cannot blame me though as I dun usually say the truth abt my feeling to some maybe but not all. So something need to see my sentence structure n my tone loh hahaha XD

Now abt intern. Okay so currently I am doing two project for my intern but kinda of depress leh cos one of the project tht I am doing the cell got contamination now need to re do again :( learn new things though like staining, edit photo n all the things loh. Hahaa but yesterday I got to take care n teach a student doing phd on the staining tht I am doing must say tht it is damn nervous cos phd leh. But all end well cos she understand wat i said woohoo.

Lost

Hmm today kinda stupid as I gotten myself lost somewhere in singapore hahaha wanna go to Thomson plaze so drop at the mrt station before bishan on the circle line... end up walk walk n find myself getting lost twice. Damn hot n gotten myself lost sian can say tht I turn wrong direction n lucky I ask some ppl for direction n end up getting to Thomson plaze with little amount of energy n sweat like a mad dog hahaha... hmmm during the getting lost time frame, I must say tht it kinda remind me of life, where we r always going to be lost at a certain point of time but if we ask direction (help) we will surely find our way out. Rather thn being stubborn n just walk blindly n get u to no where. But walking blindly got it own merit as u might find some nice place to see or chill out next time hahaha. Marco polo would be proud of me haha for following his foot step LOL hahaha...

After walking at Thomson plaza, time to go back must say tht I still talk to this guy tht I met jn the PFP camp. He is kinda of my junior hahaha. Feel sad for him as from school start till now he feels lonely n he is like being outcast by his classmate :( hais wish tht I was there to accompany him so tht he will not be lonely.  Cos I dun wan hin to do stupid things like skip school etc hais hais hope tht internship end fast so tht I could see him maybe. But I think by tht time he should have a close fren to be with :)

happy

To be able to stay happy always is kinda a big deal to me as I really wanna smile n be happy always. But the situation as always bring me to the negative side n test my limit. Yea I know tht I can choose if I wanna be happy or not but sometime the incident or situation affect me n thus how can I be happy... pretend to smile n just ignore the worlds is wat I got at last time but now everything around me affecting me even smallest things could just affect me. Hmmm really just wanna be happy n carefree like I used to be just like last time dun bother wat ppl say or think just do wat I wan hahaha. Yea I can do it woohoo... but sometime I think I got bipolar disorder is it because of my horoscope?  Or simply just because of me myself hahaha hope tht my pms mood will be kept at bay hahaha as it will affect me more often n ppl around me. Yeap I should smile more n be cheerful as ever hahahaha okie lame liao zzzzz...