Lost

Hmm today kinda stupid as I gotten myself lost somewhere in singapore hahaha wanna go to Thomson plaze so drop at the mrt station before bishan on the circle line... end up walk walk n find myself getting lost twice. Damn hot n gotten myself lost sian can say tht I turn wrong direction n lucky I ask some ppl for direction n end up getting to Thomson plaze with little amount of energy n sweat like a mad dog hahaha... hmmm during the getting lost time frame, I must say tht it kinda remind me of life, where we r always going to be lost at a certain point of time but if we ask direction (help) we will surely find our way out. Rather thn being stubborn n just walk blindly n get u to no where. But walking blindly got it own merit as u might find some nice place to see or chill out next time hahaha. Marco polo would be proud of me haha for following his foot step LOL hahaha...

After walking at Thomson plaza, time to go back must say tht I still talk to this guy tht I met jn the PFP camp. He is kinda of my junior hahaha. Feel sad for him as from school start till now he feels lonely n he is like being outcast by his classmate :( hais wish tht I was there to accompany him so tht he will not be lonely.  Cos I dun wan hin to do stupid things like skip school etc hais hais hope tht internship end fast so tht I could see him maybe. But I think by tht time he should have a close fren to be with :)

happy

To be able to stay happy always is kinda a big deal to me as I really wanna smile n be happy always. But the situation as always bring me to the negative side n test my limit. Yea I know tht I can choose if I wanna be happy or not but sometime the incident or situation affect me n thus how can I be happy... pretend to smile n just ignore the worlds is wat I got at last time but now everything around me affecting me even smallest things could just affect me. Hmmm really just wanna be happy n carefree like I used to be just like last time dun bother wat ppl say or think just do wat I wan hahaha. Yea I can do it woohoo... but sometime I think I got bipolar disorder is it because of my horoscope?  Or simply just because of me myself hahaha hope tht my pms mood will be kept at bay hahaha as it will affect me more often n ppl around me. Yeap I should smile more n be cheerful as ever hahahaha okie lame liao zzzzz...

Laptop :(

Hmm damn sad as I will not be with my laptop for more thn 2 days as I had sent it to service thank to black screen of death hahaha. .. first day without laptop damn sad cos I always do things on my laptop almost everyday hais no korean drama, no manga, no anime hais hais hais damn suck hahha but kinda glad to meet up with kenrich as he also send his laptop to service... went there together n grab late lunch over there. Sit down n just talk crap n catch up with him hahha kinda glad to be able to see him.  Dun know why but sometime with him u feel relax n can be damn carefree maybe his aura hmmm dun really know hahhaha...

internship cum feeling

Hmm been too long since my last post so well just update thn hahha n a bit of something >.< currently doing internship n must say tht can be either tiring or slacking haha but the project tht I am currently doing 2 project... just hopefully tht the project is done n get results woohoo. The environment of the place is kinda depending cos not everyone is tht close but they r frendly can be a joke also since they like to crank some joke to ease the tension hahahhaa but kinda glad to be having my intern over there hehehe...

Now feeling, for this past few days the feeling of sad n uneasiness have been attacking me n left me confused or rather scared of wat to come... hmn I dun usually show ppl my fear ortell thm wat I am scared abt but I am still a human where I also scared of things n sometime wanna just hhide myself or run away from it but I can't.  Tried it before but I fall deeper n more pain is produce hais :(

Decision n life

Yes my action on the decision tht I made is somehow betraying all my group member. But pls remember tht u ppl are the one tht never hold on to your words. But this reason was not the only reason as why I left the team it is also because I could not bare to see another on of my good fren who have no team be alone n will be placed to random team. Tht why I decided go leave n go with him. So if you are truely my fren, rather thn be angry with me or say tht I made a busted move, I would rather u call me n ask me why I leave. This is like the same incident as last time where I told u my action n u straight away judge me without listening to my explanation.  I thought tht u have learn your lesson but I am sad to say you have not. I decided to stay silent n will wait for you to make the first move if u see me as a fren, if not I will just dun care abt it already. Yes this might make me as an ass but I am seriously very tired n sometime dun even know you tht well cos u changed a lot cos of her.

Well I get depressed easily but now I feel tht this time around I am not depress abt wat happen. I will see this as a test rather thn emo one corner.  Being a stoic person is no easy thing but constantly u will find yourself trap in the void n pressure will consume you right up. I will just wait until the day where I will be broken down n could not stand up again, whn yht happen,  tht will be the time where I am truely tired n fully consume or suck in the void. Slowly the light at the end will be getting unreachable.

something new :)

Hmm recently start internship and must say tht i was not looking forward to it at first but after doing some hand on work on the machine. I have fallen in love to it all the machine and the text tht you can read n increase your knowledge everything are so wonderful amd must say tht I wanna published my own paper if possible (tht wat thy said on the first day).

Second part is tht most recently I have been talking to this guy tht I met in the pfp camp hahha he is kinda like a junior to me but we have fun time watapp-ing each other hahha ;)

Woohoo hopefully tmr would be another great day yea woohoo :)

Life 2

I have always been living myself with fear and always dwell about the past and created a useless wall between me and people. this also created a heavy chain that pull me down and I do not perform up to my standard. Like they say fear is something that prevent us from doing things that we want and it will stop us from doing wat we are suppose to do as fear will always stop us from moving forward. After thinking abt what i wanna do in life, i really do not know if i wanna seriously be someone that i am not. meaning rather thn being someone i wanna be, i be someone else that pleased ppl around me. By doing that i actually hurt myself even more and ppl do not know it. that why ppl dun really understand me because i show thm what they wanna see or say what they wanna hear. but the truth is that, the words or things that i show thm is not wat i wanna say or show.i keep things to myself and shoulder the burden to myself and in the end get depress and angry to myself... does this really wat i wanna become? getting hurt and build wall around me so that ppl cannot come inside etc.

i am always being blind by fact because of useless emotion that hinder me from seeing the truth, my jealousy that always make me feel suck. Yes i still like her, and i truly like her but she is not mine, so i should just keep living in my fantasy and move on...this things is getting old and i am getting sick and tired of it... yes trying to fall in love with another person just that i can forget her, does not work. end up i really fall in love with another girl, but was ask to give up cos me and her does not match. hahaha how suck my life can be, but i should now let it bring me down but rather take it as a lesson and move on. saying is one things doing is another, so say without doing is useless. as words are empty by itself.