I have always been living myself with fear and always dwell about the past and created a useless wall between me and people. this also created a heavy chain that pull me down and I do not perform up to my standard. Like they say fear is something that prevent us from doing things that we want and it will stop us from doing wat we are suppose to do as fear will always stop us from moving forward. After thinking abt what i wanna do in life, i really do not know if i wanna seriously be someone that i am not. meaning rather thn being someone i wanna be, i be someone else that pleased ppl around me. By doing that i actually hurt myself even more and ppl do not know it. that why ppl dun really understand me because i show thm what they wanna see or say what they wanna hear. but the truth is that, the words or things that i show thm is not wat i wanna say or show.i keep things to myself and shoulder the burden to myself and in the end get depress and angry to myself... does this really wat i wanna become? getting hurt and build wall around me so that ppl cannot come inside etc.
i am always being blind by fact because of useless emotion that hinder me from seeing the truth, my jealousy that always make me feel suck. Yes i still like her, and i truly like her but she is not mine, so i should just keep living in my fantasy and move on...this things is getting old and i am getting sick and tired of it... yes trying to fall in love with another person just that i can forget her, does not work. end up i really fall in love with another girl, but was ask to give up cos me and her does not match. hahaha how suck my life can be, but i should now let it bring me down but rather take it as a lesson and move on. saying is one things doing is another, so say without doing is useless. as words are empty by itself.
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